Bitter Memories
by xXSchmayXx
Summary: Irina Spalko reflects on her life. Contains self harm, implied eating disorder and rape.


Memories.

* * *

Irina Spalko sunk to the ground. Teeth grinding, brows furrowing. Her gaze never leaving the brute that had caused a never ending bout of damage. She smirked at the sheer irony of having him now in chains, far away, locked up in a grotty cell where nobody could hear him call. The last few months had been tortuous. She was unsure of how she had managed to cope. The Williams boy had saved her and he was now recovering peacefully in a make shift hospital wing. The prospect that she would no longer suffer filled her with delight. She could not help but think of what he had done, what everyone had done to make her suffer. Her family abused her, Dovchenko attacked her, her friends had abandoned her..Irina was truly alone without Mutt.

* * *

_Irina was eight years old when she had received her first beating. Fist slammed, voices cried, tears fell, yet it did not stop. It never stopped. When she asked why she received no answer. Her assumptions told her that her psychic powers were the reason. That day was the last time she spoke of them aloud to her family. Blood seeped from her bottom lip and she pulled her knees to her chest, burying her body underneath the bed sheets. Her body ached. However she soon learned that crying would help nobody. _

_She did not sleep that night._

* * *

_The second nugget of abuse was given to her by her friends. She was twelve, almost a teenager and growing ever more curious. She heard voices talking to her. When she asked what her friends were talking about it soon became clear that they had not spoken. Irina had read their minds. _

_"So It's true, you are a witch?" They had asked, fearfully. Irina had no time to deny it. One of them ran away in panic, the others called for help. They believed Irina was going to cast a spell on them. The village Irina had grown up in housed the most suspicious community from miles around. A large boy had heard the noise, grabbing Irina by the collar and telling her that witches are not welcome in the school grounds. He threw her to the ground and kicked her hard. Irina's friends laughed and kicked too. _

_Irina had not had any friends since._

* * *

_When she met Dovchenko she thought everything was going to change. _

_Like hell._

_The bastard stalked her to her home one evening. She had no seen him until it was too late. _

_"Now them. Don't you try to run." He had grinned, grabbing her waist and cupping her mouth. Irina felt the hand move from her waist and a gun press against her temple. She did not attempt to break free. _

* * *

_The next morning she writhed in agony. He had left long ago but his traces remained. Bruises formed on her upper thighs and blood ran between her legs. The feel of his callous hands never leaving her body. She never feared anybody until that day._

_He returned several times for months. Once night he had done something he had never done and never would do again. Irina refused to say what it was._

_The attack continued well into the next year. Nobody would believe her if she asked for help she told herself._

* * *

_Irina remembered the day where she first harmed herself. He had just left, only giving up when she had locked herself in the bathroom. She waiting for the door to lock and everything came out. Tears, screaming, kicking, punching, slamming everything in sight. Letting it all out. Tears of hurt poured out of her eyes, teeth clenching in anger. _

_She caught sight of her bruised body in the mirror and slammed her fist into the center. The glass shattered, splintering into fragments that lodged into her fist. The rest on the ground. It did not hurt. The pain felt good. Her emotional pain seemed to dissipate when it happened. She wanted more. Sitting herself on the floor she glided a fragment of broken glass across her skin and watched the blood flow. _

* * *

_Dovchenko hit her more when he saw the marks. Only he could hurt her. The more he beat her the more she would cry. The more she cried...the more marks appeared on her skin on his routine visits. _

_He also noticed that she had lost weight. The woman had simply lost the will the live. It had been days since she had eaten, as though she had forgotten to eat. He shrugged it off and bit hard at her breast, nothing would stop him from having her._

* * *

Irina snapped back into reality. She was ashamed of what she had become. The man had driven her to insanity. The harming had stopped and she began eating semi-normally when she had come on this god forsaken mission. She craved the feel of her rapier against her skin, yet Dovchenko was always there...always watching. She pulled up her sleeved to view the faded marks. He was gone now, she was safe, why did she still want to do it?

Irina did not know. She only hoped that Mutt would help her cope. Perhaps he could soothe the pain, perhaps instead of donning an emotionless stare, she could let it all out. Maybe her body could recover. Perhaps she could be human again.

Maybe one day.

**Angst. Pure angst. I'm sorry if you do not like it. I've suffered a terrible rough patch lately. Forgive me if this story offends you. Thank you Lolagemeow for your idea, your support has been amazing so thank you again! Please check out her stories guys! **


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